英语幽默笑话-英语内涵笑话

这区别看得我莫名悲伤

　　　英语幽默笑话： TOM'S EXCUSE

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

　　汤姆的借口

　　老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?

　　汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

　　　　英语幽默笑话： DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

　　One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and

　　saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

　　pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and

　　said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.

　　What happened? Did your father help you?"

　　"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all　myself," said Tim.

　　你爸爸帮你了吗?

　　一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴

　　，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都

　　做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"

　　"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

　　　　英语幽默笑话：

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"

　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"

　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.

　　　　英语幽默笑话：

　　Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students.

　　祝老师圣诞节充满平安和爱。

　　Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year!

　　May the season bring much pleasure to you.

　　愿你的圣诞光彩夺目，愿你的新年灿烂辉煌!佳节快乐!

　　Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas

　　season.

　　愿你拥有圣诞节所有美好的祝福。

　　Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season.

　　祝节日幸福如意。

　　Hope all your Christmas dreams come true!

　　愿你所有的圣诞梦想都成真!

　　　　英语幽默笑话：三人同舟

　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.

　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

　　三位男子在公园的长椅上坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。

　　一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。

　　“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友。”

　　“那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”

　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂般地做起划桨的动作来。

　　　　英语幽默笑话： As If Awakening From A Dream

　　A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的') relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "

　　A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

　　以戒酒为主题的演讲比赛正在进行，一个演讲者动情地说：“酒精可以破坏夫妻关系，甚至导致妻子离开自己的丈夫……”

　　这时一个男人大声喊：“再来一瓶白兰地!”

　　　　英语幽默笑话：离婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”

　　丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”

　　　　英语幽默笑话： A Man Who Said No 说不的男子

　　A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

　　Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

　　At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

　　我的一位朋友看到一个男子在时代广场的地铁车站摇摇晃晃地走。那个人穿着时髦，敞着怀，一个手提箱在他的手里悬吊着，很明显他是多喝了一杯。

　　我朋友问他怎么样，那男子含糊而肯定地回答说没问题。然而我朋友就是不能眼看着有人在纽约地铁独入是非之地而置之不顾。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次问道：“你肯定你没事?你在找哪个地铁站?你需要帮忙回家吗?”

　　他所注意的对象终于忍耐不住了，对他低声咆哮道：“你给我走开!我是便衣警察!”

　　近年来,冷笑话作为一种新兴的语言现象在网络、杂志上十分盛行。它的传播方式并非特定,既能通过网络等媒体进行传播,也能通过人们口耳相传,因此在内容上能不断重组和更新。阳光网小编分享经典的高中英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!

　　经典的高中英语笑话：The Lawyer's Death Certificate

　　A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.

　　The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

　　The coroner says, "No."

　　The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"

　　"No."

　　"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

　　The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

　　经典的高中英语笑话：Interview at the Firm

　　There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.

　　Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?

　　Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.

　　Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

　　"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.

　　"Your hands? What do you mean?"

　　"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

　　经典的高中英语笑话：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聪明的狗

　　here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.

　　For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.

　　The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.

　　The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.

　　The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?

　　The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.

　　在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生，建筑师和律师。

　　最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上!”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。

　　裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。

　　建筑师说道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。

　　裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢?

　　律师说道：“钻(法律)空子，上!”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。

　　经典的高中英语笑话：Three Government Contractors

　　Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

　　The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

　　The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

　　The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

　　The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

　　The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

　　"Done!" replies the government official.

　　And that friends, is how it all works!

　　经典的高中英语笑话：What is 1+2?

　　Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.

　　Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.

　　Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.