2017一分钟英语笑话大全
英语笑话既能让我们开心，也能让我们学到不少英语知识，何乐而不为呢?今天我们就一起来看看简短有翻译英语笑话吧!
简短有翻译英语笑话(一)
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
简短有翻译英语笑话(二)
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,该去睡觉了。{妈妈}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，这就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做个甜甜的梦哦，晚安!{妈妈}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，妈妈!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的梦。。。。到底怎么才能做个甜甜的梦呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前还吃糖啊!会牙疼的!{妈妈}
(joy,举着糖，看着妈妈。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你说要我做个甜甜的美梦的吗。。。{joy}
。。。。。。。。{妈妈}
简短有翻译英语笑话(三)
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌?
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。以下是小编为大家准备的英语笑话段子精选，一起来爆笑吧!
英语笑话段子精选(一)
Mum advice her daughter "if a boy touched ur breast say DON'T n if he touched ur vegi... say STOP IT. 1 week later.the girl told her mum." mum a boy touched my both then i said DON'T STOP IT"
妈妈对女儿说：“如果有人对你非礼，他如果摸你上面你就喊“不要.不要”，他如果摸你下面你就喊“停.停”，过了几天，妈妈问女儿有没有人对你非礼?女儿说有人对她非礼。妈妈说你喊了吗，女儿说喊了。妈妈说你怎么喊的，女儿说：“那天那个人上下同时摸，我就喊“不要停，不要停”!
英语笑话段子精选(二)
"Doctor,"she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me.”
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。"我想让你坦率地告诉我，我到底得了什么病。"
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,”he said at length, “l've just three things to telf you. First,your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, l'm an artist,the doctor lives downstairs."
他从头到脚打量了她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二，如您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的相貌将会变美。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话段子精选(三)
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
笑话是幽默的载体，一个成功的笑话能流传千古，听者和讲者都会感到快乐、欣喜，拍掌叫好!今天我们就一起来看看笑出腹肌英语笑话吧!
笑出腹肌英语笑话(一)
Egg Rolling.
滚彩蛋
In England, Germany and some other countries, children rolled eggs down hills on Easter morning, a game which has been connected to the rolling away of the rock from Jesus Christ's tomb when he was resurrected.在英格兰，德国和其他一些国家，孩子们在复活节早上把蛋从山坡上滚下来。这是个和耶稣复活时滚走他坟墓上的石头头关系的游戏。 British settlers brought this custom to the New World.英国殖民者把这个习俗带去了美洲。
笑出腹肌英语笑话(二)
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
笑出腹肌英语笑话(三)
A woman was dissatisfied with her next-door neighbor. She told her friend that the neighbor was a poor housekeeper, her house was not clean and her children were dirty. Then she complained that one was almost disgraced by living near such a neighbor.
"Just look," she said, "at those clothes and those sheets and pillow cases she has hung outside all with black streaks up and down."
Her friend stepped to the window, raised it and looked out. Then he said: "It seems the clothes are very clean. The streaks that you see are on your own window."
有个女人对他的隔壁邻居很不满意，跟她的朋友说这个邻居不是个好主妇，说她家里不干净，孩子们都脏。还抱怨说和这样的邻居住得这么近几乎是很不体面的。
她说：“你就看看吧，她挂在外面的那些衣服以及那些床单和枕头套，上上下下都有一些黑斑纹。”
她的朋友走到窗前去，推开窗子看了看外面，然后说：“那些衣服看来非常干净。你看到的那些斑纹都是你自己窗子上的。”
英语笑话既能让我们快乐，也能让我们学到英语知识，何乐而不为呢?今天我们就一起来看看英语笑话简短搞笑吧!
英语笑话简短搞笑(一)
A man walked into a doctor's examining room
一个人走进一家诊所。
A:Put out your tongue.
伸出你的舌头。
B:OK.
好的。
Then he put out his tongue and the doctor looked at it quickly.
于是他伸出舌头，医生很快地看了一下。
A:You can put your tongue back now. It's clear what's wrong with you.You need more exercise.
好吧，把舌头伸回去吧，你的病因很明显，你需要更多的运动。
B:But，doctor, I don't think...
但是，医生，我不认为……
A:Don't tell me what you think，I am the doctor，not you，I know what you need.I see hundreds of people like you.None of them get any exercis e.They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening.What you need is to walk quickly for at least twenty mi-nutes a day.
不要告诉我你认为怎么样，我是医生，不是你。我知道你需要什么。我看过数以百计像你这样的病人。他们没有一个人锻炼过。他们整天坐在办公室里，晚上就坐在电视机前。你所需要的就是每天至少快跑20分钟。
B:Doctor.you don't understand.I...
医生，你不知道，我……
A:I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for exercise.If you don't，you will get fat and have health problems when you are o1der.
我不想听任何理由。你应该抽出时间来运动，如果你不锻炼，那么当你老的时候，你就会变得很胖，并且有健康问题。
B:But I walk everyday.
但我每天都走路的。
A:Oh，yes，and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet from your home to the station，and a few more feet from the sta- lion to your office，and a few more feet fr om your office to a restaurant for much and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day.
喔，是的。我知道那是一种怎样的散步，你走几英尺的路，从家到火车站，又走几英尺从车站到办公室，然后走几英尺从办公室到餐馆中吃中饭再回来。那不是真正的散步。我所说的是每天在公园中散步20分钟。
B:(Shouting)Will you listen to me. doctor t I am a mailman and I walk for seven hour every day.
(叫喊着)请听我说，医生!我是一名邮递员，我每天得走7小时的路。
A:(Being silent for a moment) Put your tongue out again，will you?
(闷在那里半天不语)再把你的舌头伸出来，行吗?
英语笑话简短搞笑(二)
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner.
Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything xiaogushi8.com remarked：“That's extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一个盲人领着一只导盲犬站在十字路口处等着过马路。就在这个时候，导盲犬把腿一抬，开始往主人身上撒尿。
这个盲人十分平静地从口袋里拿出了一块饼干给狗吃。一个过路人刚好看到了这一切，很不解地说：“你的脾气真好，尤其是那只狗都做了这样的事情，你还给它饼干吃。”
“事实并非如此。”盲人回答说，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪里，这样一来，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”
英语笑话简短搞笑(三)
Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是汤姆五岁的生日，他从家人那里得到了很多不错的礼物，其中有一件礼物是一只漂亮的大鼓。
“这是谁给他的呢?”汤姆妈妈问道。
“哦。”爸爸说。
当然，汤姆非常喜欢这个大鼓。虽然他敲鼓的声音很难听，但妈妈却从不在意。汤姆爸爸因为白天工作，而且当爸爸回家时汤姆已经睡觉了，所以爸爸并没有听见过这些噪音。
但是，他们的一位邻居非常不高兴。几天后的一个早上，当她又一次听到汤姆的噪音时，她带着锋利的小刀来到汤姆家：”嘿，汤姆，你知道吗你的鼓里有好东西，打开它，我们一起找找那好东西吧
笑一笑，十年少，笑话能愉悦我们的心情，以下是小编准备的简单英语笑话爆笑，一起来爆笑吧!
简单英语笑话爆笑(一)
Once God came up to me and granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.
Then I asked him to give you brains. He said, Let me try world peace.
有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。
然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”
简单英语笑话爆笑(二)
一位来北京旅游的英国人Blake先生爬长城时，口干舌燥，又累又渴。这时Blake 听到导游提议去beer house(啤酒馆),心想马上可以喝到啤酒了,心里十分感激。可是后来导游却把他带到一个bear house(熊舍)，看熊表演，让Blake大失所望。原来导游把bear[bare](熊)说成了beer[bere](啤酒)。
简单英语笑话爆笑(三)
im’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault.
They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样?
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个。
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
从笑话中学习英语，轻松自在，让你充满自信、左右逢源。今天我们就一起来看看短篇搞笑英语笑话大全吧!
短篇搞笑英语笑话大全(一)
Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
短篇搞笑英语笑话大全(二)
Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
短篇搞笑英语笑话大全(三)
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。生活需要笑话，以下是小编为大家准备的，一起来爆笑精选简短英语笑话爆笑吧!
精选简短英语笑话爆笑(一)
和一只鹦鹉做爱
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes and was wearing bright, neon coloured clothes.
The old man just stared at him. The boy looked at the older man and said in a smart-tone, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
一个老人坐在商场里的一个长椅上,当一个留着刺猬头的年轻人走过来,坐在他旁边。男孩的头发是黄色、绿色、橙色和紫色。他周围化着黑色的妆,穿着明亮的霓虹灯彩色衣服。
老人只是盯着他看。男孩看了看老人,smart-tone说,“怎么了,老头,你没做过什么疯狂的在你的生活中吗?”
老人回答说:“是的,事实上,我有。有一次我喝醉了,和一只鹦鹉做爱。我在想如果你是我的儿子。”
精选简短英语笑话爆笑(二)
r和l是分不清
一个德国人，法国人，及一个日本人要到矿场工作。老板是美国人，他对德国人说：“你体格不错，负责苦力(labor)。” 对法国人说：“你说你是工程师，你就负责采矿的计划(plan)。”而对日本人，他说：“你很瘦小，负责补给(supplies) 。”
然后隔周，他们开始上工。 几天后，德国人及法国人发现日本人不见了，找了很久后他们决定还是先回头工作。德国人开始工作的时候，日本人突然跳了出来，大声叫道：“ Surprise!”
精选简短英语笑话爆笑(三)
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
笑话是幽默的载体，一个成功的笑话能流传千古，听者和讲者都会感到快乐、欣喜，拍掌叫好!以下是小编为大家准备的笑破肚子英语笑话，一起来爆笑吧!
笑破肚子英语笑话(一)
火柴
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火，而想点燃一堆篝火却需要整整一盒火柴，真纳闷。
笑破肚子英语笑话(二)
the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”
老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了!”
笑破肚子英语笑话(三)
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的狭窄小道上散步。碰巧，他遇见了一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道:“我决不会给傻瓜让路。”“可我会.”说完歌德退到了一边。
从笑话中学习英语，轻松自在，让你充满自信、左右逢源。今天我们就一起来看看简短好笑英语笑话吧!
简短好笑英语笑话(一)
"A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。司机大叫起来，车也失去了控制，几乎撞上一辆公车，还上了便道，在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来。司机说：“伙计，别再这么干了。你把我吓破胆了!”乘客抱歉地说，“我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样。” 司机说：“对不起，也不全是你的错。今天是我第一天开出租，以前25年里我一直开殡葬车。”"
简短好笑英语笑话(二)
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
简短好笑英语笑话(三)
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”，她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四处寻找，最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
扑满里有张纸条：“亲爱的妹妹，我希望你能够理解，我的资产现在已被冻结。”
笑话是幽默的载体，一个成功的笑话能流传千古，听者和讲者都会感到快乐、欣喜，拍掌叫好!以下是小编为大家准备的笑破肚子英语笑话，一起来爆笑吧!
笑破肚子英语笑话(一)
火柴
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火，而想点燃一堆篝火却需要整整一盒火柴，真纳闷。
笑破肚子英语笑话(二)
the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”
老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了!”
笑破肚子英语笑话(三)
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的狭窄小道上散步。碰巧，他遇见了一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道:“我决不会给傻瓜让路。”“可我会.”说完歌德退到了一边。
英语笑话既能让我们学到知识，也能让我们开心，今天我们就一起来看看一分钟精彩英语笑话吧!
一分钟精彩英语笑话(一)
esent for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket(小盒式吊坠) as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave(雕刻，铭记) her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No, engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
一分钟精彩英语笑话(二)
t Knowing Her Well
Wife: Bill, the man in that house opposite always kisses his wife when he leaves in the morning and he kisses her again when he comes back in the evening. Why don't you do that too?
Husband: Well, I don't know her very well yet.
我跟她还不熟
妻子：比尔，住在对面那所房子的那个男人早上出门前总要吻一下妻子，晚上回来时再吻一下，你为什么不那样做呢?
丈夫：哦，我跟她还不是很熟。
一分钟精彩英语笑话(三)
o Smart for Dad
Young man, said the angry father from the head of stairs, didn't I hear the clock strike four when you brought my daughter in?
You did, admitted the boyfriend, it was going to strike eleven, but I grabbed it and held the gong so it wouldn't disturb you.
The father muttered, Wonder why I didn't think of that one in my courting days!
青出于蓝
小伙子，父亲在楼梯口板着脸说道，闹钟敲了四下，你才把我女儿带回来，我没听错吧?
是的，男孩承认说，闹钟本来是要敲11下，但我拽住了钟摆，以免影响您。
父亲低咕道：奇怪，我谈恋爱时怎么没想到这一着呢!
笑一笑，十年少，看一些笑话能愉悦我们的心情，今天我们就一起来看看精选爆笑英语笑话笑死人吧!
精选爆笑英语笑话笑死人(一)
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他短篇英语励志小故事大全短篇英语励志小故事大全。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
精选爆笑英语笑话笑死人(二)
I’m not ripe yet
Two jokes about madmen,There were two lunatics escaped from the insane asylum, one wearing red and another wearing green .they run and run,then climbed to a tree up. After a while , the red one jumped off the tree, then raised his head on up there, said: "Hey, ah, how do you not down?
The green one answered “No,no I’m not ripe yet”.
我还没熟
有两个神经病患者，一个红衣一个绿衣，从病院里逃出来。两人跑啊跑，后来爬到一棵树上。 一会儿，其中红衣的`人从树上跳下来，滚啊滚的。 然后抬起头对上面的人说：「喂～～你怎么还不下来啊? 上面的那个人回答他：「不行啊!我还没有熟......」
精选爆笑英语笑话笑死人(三)
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面，阳光网小编给大家收集整理了英语幽默笑话乐翻天，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!
英语幽默笑话乐翻天(一)
1、我懂他的话
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。
2、我 可 以 回 家 了
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”
3、怎么把口香糖取出来呢
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”
4 可怜的丈夫
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man com#plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。
5 鸟窝与头发
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
6、瞎子的判断
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。
7、我没有看到另外一块
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。
8、好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
9、新老师
eorge com#es from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”
10、铅笔
he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。
英语幽默笑话乐翻天(二)
1 肚里就不会长虫了!
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the
water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。"所以，儿子啊，"父亲问道，"得出什么结论?" "恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了!"
2 向别人做鬼脸
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently
reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child
I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and
replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。
这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说："博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。" 博比抬头看了看老师，说："史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。"
3 哪个月有28天
Dad:?Tom,?please?tell?me,?which?month?has?28?days??Tom:?Every?month.?
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢??汤姆：每个月都有啊!
4、谁是世界上第一个男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。
5、没想到那么贵
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”
会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在小编也来当笑话大王啦!小编给大家收集整理了大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!
大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子1
True Dedication
好投入啊!
Mrs. Fortesque was getting more and more worried.
福特斯克太太越来越担心，
Her husband had left for a round of golf early in the morning and by mid-afternoon he still wasn't home.
因为她先生一早出去打高尔夫球，到下午三四点都还没回家，
Evening came and Mr.Fortesque still hadn't returned.
甚至到傍晚也还不见人影。
The lady was just about to call the police when she heard her husband's car pulling into the drive way,
福特斯克太太正要打电话报警就听到她先生开车回来了。
Rushing outside, she told her husband, "Darling, I was so worried about you. What kept you?"
她冲出门外，向她先生说道："亲爱的，我一整天都在担心你，是什么事把你耽搁了?"
"Charlie had a heart attack on the fourth hole."
“查理在第四洞时心脏病发作。”
"Oh, my goodness, that's terrible!"
“喔，天哪，真可怕!”
"You're telling me! All day long it was shoot the ball, drag Charlie, shoot the ball, drag Charlie . . . . "
“那还用你说吗!-整天我都一边打球，一边拉查理，一会儿打球，一会儿拖查理，……
大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子2
Make a Wish
许个愿吧!
Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread.
每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。
But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake.
但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。
Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .
他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。女人听了铃声，出来开门。
"Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . "
“这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……”
"That's true ."
"那倒是不假……"
"And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ',
"可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。"
“Well, today's his birthday. ”
“今天是他生日嘛。”
大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子3
A Precocious Child
一个早熟的小孩
When the door-to-door salesman rang the doorbell of the suburban home,
当挨家挨户兜售东西的推销员按了一幢郊区房子的门铃后，
he was taken a back when a 10-year-old boy opened the door smoking a big cigar.
他吓了一跳，开门的竟是一位嘴里叼着一根大雪茄的十岁男孩。
The salesman could only stammer out, "Er, is your mother at home?"
推销员结结巴巴地问道，“哦，你妈妈在家吗?”
Answered the boy, "What do you think?"
小男孩回答说，"你认为呢?"
大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子4
A Remarkable Talent
一位了不起的天才
"Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
“你相信我可以由钢琴知道现在几点钟吗?’一位老兄向他的朋友问道。
"You're kidding," replied his companion dubiously.
“别开玩笑了!”他的朋友怀疑地回答。
"I'll show you," said the first man as he sat down at the piano and started to hammer out a martial tune.
“那我试给你看，”说着那位老兄就坐在钢琴前开始弹起一首进行曲。
Within seconds came a pounding on the wall, and an angry voice shouting,
几秒钟后墙壁传来捶打声，一个愤怒的声音叫道：
"Hey, you son of a bitch, don’t you realize it,s three o’clock in the morning?"
“嘿!你他妈的，你知不知道现在是凌晨三点钟?”
大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子5
City Suckers
城里来的傻瓜
Two city folk were on a drive in the country, but got completely lost.
两个城市里的老兄在一条乡间小道上开车迷了路，
Pulling over next to an old farmer, they asked him if he knew the way back to the city.
他们把车停靠一位老农夫旁边，问他知不知道回城里的路。
"Nope. Can't say that I do," replied the old hayseed.
“不，我不知道，”老农夫答道。
"Well, can you tell us how to get back to the main highway?"
“那你知道回到主要公路要怎么走吗?’
"Nope. Don't know that, either. "
“不，我也不知道。”
"Well, you sure don't know much, do you?"
"喔，你好像不太熟悉这里的路况，是吗?"
" Could be. . . but I ain't lost, neither."
“可以这么说，……可是我也不会迷路。”
总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里小编收集整理了爆笑英语小笑话带翻译，让你的心情速速好起来。
爆笑英语小笑话带翻译一：A Boy with a Big Head大头娃娃
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat."
一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪儿?”
“没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
爆笑英语小笑话带翻译二：
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
爆笑英语小笑话带翻译三：
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
爆笑英语小笑话带翻译四：Wedding or Not
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩，但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想，决定四处走走，去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。
他回来即叹道：“嘘!谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了!”
笑话大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。小编你挑选了英语笑话带翻译大全笑破你的肚子，希望你会喜欢，一起来欢乐笑笑啊!
英语笑话带翻译大全笑破你的肚子一
On a rainy, miserable day, the funeral procession was climbing the steep hill to the cemetery, when suddenly the rear doors of the hearse broke open and the coffin slid out.
一个阴雨、悲惨的日子，有列送葬队伍正沿着陡峭的山路向墓地前进，这时突然间灵车的后门破开，棺材滑出车外。
To the horror of the mourners, the casket hurtled down the hill, scattering motorists and pedestrians. At tremendous speed it leaped onto the sidewalk and barreled into a drugstore. It crashed into the counter and the lid flew open
令哀悼者大感惊恐的是，棺材滑下山坡，冲散了汽车和行人，接着它以高速冲上人行道并滚进一家药房，最后棺材撞到了柜台里面，盖子则崩开了。
"For Heaven's sake," said the corpse to the astonished pharmacist, "give me something to stop this coffin. "
“看在老天的分上，”棺木中的尸体向惊魂未定的药剂师说道:“给我一点东西把棺材停止下来。”
英语笑话带翻译大全笑破你的肚子二
我没有服药
A fellow who was rather slow on the uptake had been suffering from constipation, so the doctor provided him with some suppositories.
有位理解能力相当迟缓的老兄一直为便秘所苦，因此医生给他一些利肠的栓剂。
A week later, the patient came back to tell the doctor that his condition had not improved.
一星期后病人回来告诉医生，他的状况尚未改进。
"I'm amazed," said the doctor. " Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed for you?"
“我觉得好奇怪，”医生说。“你有没有采用我开给你的药方呢?”
"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"
“你以为我做什么呢?难道要我把它们都塞进屁股里吗?”
"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"
“你以为我做什么呢?难道要我把它们都塞进屁股里吗?”
英语笑话带翻译大全笑破你的肚子三
用脸去敲钟
Quasimodo had just died, so the rector was looking for a new hunchback to ring the great bell of Notre Dame cathedral.But the first man who applied for the job was not only a hunchback, but armless as well.
钟楼怪人刚去世，因此教区的神父正在找一位驼背的人来敲巴黎圣母院的大钟。但是第一个去应征的不仅是驼背，而且连手也没有。
'Of course, I'd like to give you the job," said the priest,"but how will you manage it?" "Never fear," replied the dauntless paraplegic. "Just watch;! "
“当然，我愿意给你这个工作机会，”神父说道，“可是你怎么去敲钟呢?”“别怕，”勇敢的残疾者答道。“待会看了你就知道。”
The two men went up to the bell tower and there the applicant took a run at the great bell, striking it with his face.The effect was magnificent, and the hunchback repeated his performance several times. However, he soon became dizzy and at the next run, missed the bell completely and went hurtling out of the bell tower to crash to his death in the courtyard below.
两个人走上钟楼，应征者用脸撞那个大钟，响了好一阵子，效果良好。驼子又撞了几次。可是不久他就觉得头晕目眩，下一次竟然落了空，掉到钟塔外，跌死在下面的庭院里。
The priest rushed down to the crumpled body, over which a policeman was already standing. "Do you know this fellow's name?" asked the cop. "No, but his face certainly rings a bell!"
神父冲到跌得皱成一团的尸体之处，有个警察已经站在那里。"你知道这个家伙的名字吗"察问道。“不知道，但他的脸孔好熟喔!”
英语笑话带翻译大全笑破你的肚子四
介词问题
A new student was just finding his way around Harvard University.
一位哈佛大学新生正在熟悉校园环境。
"Excuse me," he aske an upperclassman, "can you tell me where the library's at?"
“对不起，”他问一位高年级学长，“您能告诉我图书馆在哪里吗?”
"What appalling diction," sneered the older student. "I can't imagine how you could have been admitted to Harvard.
“好可怕的用字喔!”那名学长嘲弄他道。
Don' t you know better than to end a sentence with a preposition?"
"不知道你老弟是怎么获准进入哈佛的。难道你不知道介词不要放在一个句子后面吗?"
"OK. Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole?"
“好吧!你能告诉我图书馆在哪里吗，驴蛋?”
幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。以下是小编为大家准备的笑破肚皮英语笑话3则，一起来爆笑吧!
笑破肚皮英语笑话(一)
打碎玻璃
It's His FaultBilly and Bobby were small boys.They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other. Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now.Go out and play in the garden—and be good.” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out. They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen.“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs.Allen's house.” Mrs.Allen was one of their neighbors. “He's a bad boy，”his mother said.“How did he break it?” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”
比利和波比都是小男孩。他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。” “是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。 “他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?” “我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。”
笑破肚皮英语笑话(二)
时间对猪有什么意义
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
笑破肚皮英语笑话(三)
The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
瑞士面条树
spaghetti harvest1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."
1957年愚人节BBC新闻中说，瑞士的面条树大丰收，农民都在树上收割面条。大量观众上当受骗，打电话来咨询面条树的种植方法。BBC对此的回复是：把一根面条插在番茄酱里，然后就等着吧。
一个人的聪明才智会在幽默的谈吐中闪光，并且会深深吸引他人。下面，小编给大家收集整理了小学生开心一刻英语笑话，增加幽默细胞，聪明的你一定会成为闪光点。
小学生开心一刻英语笑话【1】
New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
新发现
一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”
小学生开心一刻英语笑话【2】
"I no longer looker look like an old lady," said Sophia to her husband now busy solving a cross-word puzzle by the fire.
She had just been to her hairdresser and looked quite a different person.
The fellow lifted his head and muttered under his breath: "That's quite true, darling. You don't look like an old lady at all."
"And what do I look like?" insisted the lady blushing prettily.
"You look like an old gentleman."
“我看起来不再像个老太太了。”索菲亚对她正在火炉前玩填字游戏的丈夫说。
她刚去过美发店，现在看起来完全像变了一个人。
那个老家伙抬起头嘟囔着说：“一点儿不错，亲爱的。你看起来一点也不像个老妇人。”
“那我看起来像什么呢?”这位女士害羞地问道。
“你看起来像个老绅士。”
小学生开心一刻英语笑话【3】
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
士兵的高招
由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。
然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。
又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
笑话是幽默的载体，一个成功的笑话能流传千古，听者和讲者都会感到快乐、欣喜，拍掌叫好!生活需要笑话，今天我们就一起来看看精彩一分钟英语笑话吧!
精彩一分钟英语笑话(一)
A young girl's likes
A young girl was asked by her mother, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The girl replied, "I want to be an old maid."
Her mother was surprised to hear that, and said, "Oh,dear, why?" The girl said, "I don't think I would like to kiss a man so many times and to tell him he handsome every time. I will get bored. I like to go shopping, so I'd rather earn money to buy things for myself."
一个少女的母亲问她：“你长大后想干什么呀?”少女说：“我想做个老姑娘。”
她的母亲听到这话感到非常惊讶。她说：“啊，亲爱的，这是为什么呀?”少女说：“我觉得我不会老是要去亲一个男人，而且每次还要说他很帅。我会感到厌倦的。我喜欢逛商店，所以我宁愿去赚钱给自己买东西。”
精彩一分钟英语笑话(二)
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
精彩一分钟英语笑话(三)
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,该去睡觉了。{妈妈}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，这就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做个甜甜的梦哦，晚安!{妈妈}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，妈妈!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的梦。。。。到底怎么才能做个甜甜的梦呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前还吃糖啊!会牙疼的!{妈妈}
(joy,举着糖，看着妈妈。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你说要我做个甜甜的美梦的吗。。。{joy}
。。。。。。。。{妈妈}
从笑话中学习英语，轻松自在，让你充满自信、左右逢源。今天我们就一起来看看笑翻天英语笑话吧!
笑翻天英语笑话(一)
谁是世界上第一个男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。”
笑翻天英语笑话(二)
他们都在这里
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗?”乔治回答：“喔!当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面!”
笑翻天英语笑话(三)
没想到那么贵
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”
幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。今天我们就一起来看看精选一分钟英语笑话吧!
精选一分钟英语笑话(一)
I Understand Him我懂他的话
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。
精选一分钟英语笑话(二)
我可以回家了
Now i can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
我 可 以 回 家 了
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”
精选一分钟英语笑话(三)
怎么把口香糖取出来呢
How do I get the gum out? Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”
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