安全小笑话
安全小笑话是以幽默风趣的话来提醒大家安全知识的重要性。以下是由阳光网小编整理关于安全小笑话的内容，提供给大家参考和了解，希望大家喜欢!
安全证据
有一人乘飞机去看望自己的女儿。他突然发现，邻座一位乘客紧张得哆嗦起来，于是他决定安慰邻座。
“你为什么如此不安?”他说，“如今乘飞机是绝对安全的，坐汽车反而危险得多，前不久，我的一个相识，平平安安地坐着汽车在公路上行驶，突然有那么一架飞机坠落在他头上!”
守法司机
交通警察看到一个司机在大街上吃力的推着汽车，就走过去问：“先生，是不是出了什么故障或者是没汽油了?”
“哦，不是这样的，只是因为刚才我发现忘记带驾驶执照了。”
你瞎了吗
在繁荣的市区发生交通意外，两辆小轿车迎面相撞。
其中一位司机怒气冲冲大叫∶『你瞎了吗?』
另一位司机不甘被辱，反唇相讥∶『谁说的?我不是把你撞个正著吗?』
安全检查
一架飞机刚抵达某机场，机上的空服员立刻将一个可疑的罐子交给当地的航警。航警打开一看是粉状的物质，于此把手伸进去沾了一点放在舌尖测试。
“嗯，不知道是什么东西?我知道不是毒品，可是也不是糖?”正当空服员和航警在狐疑之际，一位老太太慌慌张张的跑过来。“我上飞机时带的一个罐子不见了，请问你们有没有看到?里面装的是我先生的骨灰!
撞得准
刚学会骑机车的年轻人不小心骑车撞到一个老阿婆
年轻人：阿婆对不起喔!我不大会骑…。
阿婆：不大会骑还撞这麽准!
给司机看的牌子
瑞士入境处的公路旁竖着一块牌子，上面写着：“请司机多加注意。
当前，医生与殡仪馆的工作人员正在休假。”
袜子
有一天，一家失火了， 爸爸妈妈都逃出来了，只剩下一个儿子还在里面。 妈妈很紧张的在屋外大喊： “儿子，你在干吗，都失火了还不出来……” 儿子回答：“我在穿袜子阿……” 妈妈又说，“都失火了还穿什么袜子……” 过了五分钟，儿子还没出来…… 妈妈又紧张的喊，“儿子，你到底在干什么?快出来~都失火了，还待在里面……” 儿子说，“我在脱袜子阿。
笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。小编精心收集了简单点的英文小笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
简单点的英文小笑话：Who wants that jerk back? 谁愿意让那个混蛋回来
Marcella Vespa called her friend Winona about the disappearance of her husband, who had been missing for several days.
When asked by the police for a description of her husband, she replied, "He's over six feet tall, with beautiful, wavy blond hair. He's got a fetching(迷人的) smile that shows a perfect set of teeth. He wears Brooks Brothers clothes and is muscular, weighting about two hundred pounds."
Winona waited until Marcella had finished her phone call, then asked what it was all about. "Your husband is over five feet and his hair is gray and almost gone. He grins like a polar bear and he's bought every darned tooth in his head. Marcela, that was an untrue description of your husband."
"Sure it was," Marcella replied, "But who wants that jerk back?"
玛赛拉·维斯帕打电话告诉他朋友温纳她丈夫失踪的事情，他已经失踪好几天了。
当被警察问道对她丈夫的描述时，她回答：“他有六英尺多高，漂亮的金色卷发。他的笑容很动人，牙很齐。他穿着布鲁克斯兄弟牌的衣服，很健壮，大约两百磅重。”
温纳一直等到马赛拉把电话打完，然后问他为什么这么说。“你丈夫有五英尺多高，灰色的头发而都快掉光了。他笑起来就像北极熊一样，而且每颗牙都补过。马赛拉，这个对你丈夫的描述不真实啊。”
“当然，”马赛拉回答道，“但是谁愿意让那个混蛋回来呢?”
简单点的英文小笑话：What are you going to do this evening?
Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, "Is this what I come home to see after a hard day's work?"
Mrs. Jones's neighbor, Mrs. Black, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones' words, she quickly said good-bye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, "and what are you going to do this evening?"
琼斯太太正在家里打扫房间，这时，她的丈夫下班回来了。琼斯太太穿着又脏又旧的衣服，光着脚，头发乱糟糟的，脸上还满是灰尘，她看起来脏兮兮的，一脸倦容。她丈夫看到这一切，说：“这就是我辛辛苦苦一天回家要看到的吗?“
琼斯太太的邻居——布莱克太太当时也在场，她听到琼斯先生的话，立刻告辞，跑回家去。她洗脸漱口梳头，穿上她最好的衣服和最漂亮的袜子，化好妆，等着她的丈夫回家。
布莱克先生回来时，又热又累，他拖着脚步慢慢地走进屋子，看到妻子，他停住了脚步，生气地大声吼道：“你今天晚上要干什么去?
简单点的英文小笑话：It was too late 为时已晚
Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandfather had been five feet, sixinches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches .
As a teen-ager leafing through(迅速翻阅) old photographs with grandma, Ifinally realized how unusual they must have looked together.
"Grandma," I asked, "how could you have fallen in love with a man five inches shorter than you?"
She turned to me "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."
尽管我未见过祖父，不过我知道他身高只有五英尺六英寸，而我高贵典雅的祖母身高却有五英尺十一英寸。
我十几岁的时候，和祖母一起翻看着老照片，我觉得他们在一起看起来很别扭。
“奶奶，”我问道，“你怎么会爱上一个比你矮五英寸的人呢?”
她转过脸来看着我。“宝贝，”她说，“我们是坐着相爱的。当我站起来的时候，已经太晚了。”
简单点的英文小笑话：A Nervous Wife 神经紧张的.妻子
A man fell ill. His wife called a doctor in for him.
While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(烦躁，发牢骚) andjabbering(快而含糊地说) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.
The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."
有个人生病了。他的妻子请了一位医生来给他治病。
医生在给他治疗的时候，他的妻子一直大惊小怪，神神叨叨地紧张不安。医生对她说：“你的丈夫必须绝对休息和保持安静。” 然后他就留下了一些安眠药。
她问医生：“什么时候给我丈夫吃这些药呀!”医生回答说：“不用，这些药不是给他吃的，是给你吃的，你需要。”
简单点的英文小笑话：Birthday presents 生日礼物
A woman had bought birthday presents for her husband.
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有个女人给她的丈夫买了生日礼物。
她很激动，并且急于要告诉她的丈夫。她说：“亲爱的，我买了两样东西给你做生日礼物。我现在就要告诉你，因为我等不得到那一天才说。一件礼物是一个地垫，可以放在我的梳妆台前。另一件是一个青铜的小雕像，可以放在客厅的壁炉架上”她还说：“好啦，你准备给我买什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一会就说：“我最好是给你买一个刮胡刀和几条领带。这样我们就可以互相交换礼物了。”
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